Camden - Locked!

On a Saturday afternoon, after having been in London for almost two months, I decided that its time that I be 'with it'. So with a little bit of coaxing, I managed to convince a friend of mine to accompany me on this mission: Camden shopping!
Shopaholics Anonymous towed in hand, I strolled out of the Camden tube station expecting to 'discover' some of the most unconventional stuff and buy them at a steal price and of course flaunt them in my future 'social networking activities'. And discover I did!
This is not the first time actually that I hit Camden town. I'd visited this esoteric haven during my trip to London in 2005. But, that was no discovery. It was only a touch at the tip of an ice-berg! This time, I was hell bent on 'getting a real feel' of the place.
So, there I was, dressed in a flower-power bell-sleeved top with a suitably matching cap...it's important to 'fit in' I've always been told! And I stepped into this world, which almost felt like a parallel city to London.
As you enter the Camden market, faces of different ethnicities, different colours and different piercings (!) eagerly greet you. Want to be noticed in skull printed tops and patch-worked jackets or with a bag that resembles a stereo deck, then this is your place. But the gratifying part about Camden is that however stoic/hedonistic your style might be, if there's something out-of-the-box you're looking for, you'll find it here at a bargain rate. Now, that's what I call a shopper's paradise!
As I walked down the main street, finding my way through pink and green hair(read hairdos!), long robes that 'only the Goths wear', I entered into a world 'trapped in purple haze'.
The Camden Canal, often compared to a mini Venice is anything but quite like Venice because Camden has its own charm and ingenuity which is incomparable. A few steps ahead of the canal is the Camden Lock - the place where any visitor 'must' go. Just to discover...paintings, artifacts, handwork, trinkets, etc etc etc. For me it was amazing how a few feet by a few feet square could transform into an amalgamation of what you'd see if you travelled the world! And yes, don't ignore the gastronomical delights either - Chinese, Moroccan, Italian, Mediterranean- name it and you could get it at a price that's decently affordable.
Sauntering through the pedestrian bridges, over the canal, finding small nooks where you could just sit by and enjoy your meal while the melee of people above and around you pass on in their own pace has its own sense of quietness, which I must say was fulfilling.
Oh, by the way, did I shop? You bet!

Just another day

It was a beatific day. I woke up this morning with the sun rays hitting upon my face just as the waves would on the sand...like that's how it's meant to be... Time ran out. I stepped out of my class to find a gloomy sky and by the time I reached home, the Rain God had taken over!
Anyway, there's more to life than the weather I guess. I figured that it's a cliche when people say they are bored coz they are alone and have 'nothing to do'.
Have you ever spent hours by yourself? Doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Stare into the TV, the PC screen, the wall...but 'nothingness' as the existentials would say, surround you. But you don't need to run away from the void. Rather, enjoy it, absorb it and understand it. Because I realised that it helps you to gauge yourself. Like the process of annihilation actually leads you towards self-actualisation...like a 'moment'.
Its 11 pm...time when Sleep fairy spreads her wings, taking you under her domain. I wonder why I referred to 'sleep' in the feminine...maybe it's the whole 'gender thing'! Not that I'm a fanatic feminist, but I do have certain beliefs...of individuality, independence.
But today is a different day. I do not want slumber. I want to be lyrical, melodious and just 'be'...

chilly, chilly nights...

Imagine the state of a person always used to a tee and jeans or a hassle-free sleeveless dress thrown into a climate which makes your bones chill! That disastrous person would be me!
Now I can’t keep my palms alive without this thick, fat black ugly gloves and a jumper with fake fur on it! And does that make me resemble a picture of the worst fashion victim? Well, it’s not that bad, not even close; but all said and done, it’s freezing where I fatefully live and I do not know what’s going to happen to this poor soul (read:me!) when, as my colleagues mention, the real winter hits. I can’t even imagine!
A friend of mine wrote on an ever-so-popular social networking site (Facebook! and I still can’t gauge what is the hullabaloo over it all about!) that I should not fight the cold, but “shizzle” with cognac. Now, that’s a thought! …But hey, do you honestly think that mere cognac can allow me to wear my 2-piece and show off my non-existent abs (it isn’t that bad!) on a night that reads 2 degrees on the thermometer. No amount of alcohol can control my body temperature for certain!
To be honest, I never knew that life could be so cold and dark at 3 pm! That’s the time when I would always stay put inside my office, just so that I don’t have to bear the scorching sun and amazing sunlight. At times, I really miss the sun in London. It feels like midnight when it’s 5pm and that to me is still quite eerie!
However, to every dark cloud, there’s a silver lining. So on certain fateful days when the Sun God feels rather merciful, He shows up, like it was today and I went for a walk by the canal and across the park just around the corner.
And yes, if you have something to cuddle and sleep with a heater that warms your room aside, things couldn’t be more blissful…for me, it is!

random thoughts...

The abysmal state of affairs gets to you…
Have you ever felt the need to run from things that seem to be enveloping you at every living moment…frustration, futility, fragile bonds.
You often wonder is it how you view situations, or others view you. A desperate need to understand what you really want seems to cloud your mind without you knowing the ultimate solution.

Ever seen the waves…closely? It’s a cycle…an endless one…no pause…just the idea of motion keeps us alive…
The white sands, pristine blue waters…and you in the middle of the twirling whirlwind…

Loneliness is addictive. Have you ever thought about that?
Your headspace, the limitless notions of people’s perceptions…things beyond control…the uncontrollable agony and the need to overcome all of that seem to be so impossible that it ties you down…you fight…the boundless struggle…in vain.

You talk about space, the absolute necessity of allowing yourself to do what you want, the urge to free yourself from complications that surround you and often end up thinking…Why me?!

The ultimate ecstasy lies in your state of mind…get that rush of energy from what you believe in…

Confused, insecure, indignant, inability to take charge of things and make decisions…you desperately seek a vent…that which allows you to escape from the intriguing intricacies of life…the life that you lead, irrespective of whether you want it or not…situations put you in positions that you least expect…that you don’t even see coming…Well, welcome to the real world! Out of structured environment…sometimes it’s beyond you to hold on to things you really want to…

Let go…that’s so easy when you literally spell it out…just two words that takes a split of a second to utter and probably a couple of seconds to key in…People let go…at times so mercilessly that sometimes you end up wondering, after all, was any of it worth it anyway? And the irony is however hard you try, you’ll probably never find the answer till you’ve given up on LIFE…

Negativity can be encapsulating. Just when you feel that you’re making headway, you are struck by some unknown fleet of circumstances…it’s almost as if destiny knows not where to take you or where you want to tread.

Unpredictability is like alcohol. The more you have it, the more inebriated you get and even though you don’t know where it’s going to take you, the last sip is never enough…you just so desperately want more. Strange, I’d say, actually!

There’s something about wanting to do what you know not…treading unchartered territories, unaware of where the road might take you…the uncanny risks of living life to the fullest…someone once told me, ‘life lives you’…you don’t live life…guess it was true in certain ways. But I also feel it’s a personal perspective…aspects that you need not even think of till it actually hits you!!

Have you ever made the same mistakes over and over again….not knowing the tracks of time…the web of endless expectations and needs…demands and wants.

Why do I do this to myself? No answers. At times, people actually do it on purpose…trying to prove a point that probably lies in your headspace…I’d say you wallow in self-pity and nothing more…leave it alone…move on…life never ceases…and changes do happen…it’s how you take it and how you treat it…the choice lies with you. You live your life and ultimately how you want to live can be to a large extent decided by you…frustration and betrayals need not always lead to a pitiful existence seeking sympathy. Fight it out…believe in your gut…just know that every episode of your life has been a learning lesson and the least you can do is not to punish others for your embitterment. You’d end up hurting yourself much more than you could ever gauge…

Living in an unknown world has its own enigma and trust me, when I say that you should enjoy the euphoria till it lasts. The idea of exploring something new, discovering places that you’d never been to before has a befitting high involved with it, something that you will not experience the second time around. It’s just the way life is and will probably always be, I guess.

If there is one thing that I have learnt disappoints you, it is expectation. Even if someone loves you, expect nothing ‘coz it would normally fall short of what you desire/desired. But the problem lies in the fact that, that’s just a way of life…how do you control expectation. It’s not like you consciously want something…normally its only at the subconscious…things that you would never spell out, but ‘expect’ to be understood…so is the complexity of human life and human understanding. Life would’ve been so much simpler had there been an expectation interpreter…!!! And yes, there are times, you’d ask yourself: Am I right in expecting? Am I expecting too much? Am I not expecting enough? Questions that are bound to plague you but to which you have no answers because the human mind is so intangible. What you might expect just might be an awfully big deal to the person you expect from, if at all you have the opportunity to be vocal about what you want!

Do you ever get up in the morning, look out to the deepest horizons and ask yourself, what next? There are times, you will have some answers…you have to go to xyz, do xyz, meet xyz…today, tomorrow…and then….most of the time you’d probably not know. Does it unnerve you...and if you figure that out, well, you’re a genius. Coz one fine morning you just might wake up and it might be your 40th birthday and you still have the same thoughts…what next? So if you can figure out your life and if every morning seems perfectly solved, then you are ‘sorted out.’

I see so many people, so many faces everyday…most strangers and a few who are familiar…they walk the conventional wave…lost, but still moving towards something…I know not what! Sometimes, I want to walk the distance when everyone else is walking the opposite way…look at things in different perspectives…realize the very essence of not being one of them.

Do you ever feel that the world is an unsolvable enigma - the more you want to know, want to do, want to explore, the more you get sucked into the black hole. When I sleep every night, I say to myself…I want to do this, I want this to happen, I want to go here, I want to meet this person…do you see the only common word…’want’…so there you go, your deepest desires are always something that you want, but usually have not. And this want is not coveting…coz I wouldn’t want something that someone else has, I just want so many things, want to do so many things, want to explore so many aspects of ‘being me’.

What if life takes an about turn…are there any things you’d do differently…I probably would…quite a few things…transport to times that you wish never happened, things that you did, said or even believed…maybe I wouldn’t do quite a few things. And maybe I would do some things that I didn’t.

The truth is I don’t feel like keying anything right now…coz thoughts flow endlessly in my mind and I find it increasingly difficult to nail any one of them…it’s a tough task and I don’t want to face them…I don’t want to confront anything that runs in my head like an uncontrollable fire…

london...the start

Okay, this is the first posting on my blog…and as the title suggests, yes I’m a seeker…actually a searcher to be more precise…constantly looking for something that’s out there, but probably out of reach.
Anyway, this is for those who are interested in my life overseas…it’s for the first time that I’m ‘living’ abroad. And yes, to say it’s different is an utter understatement. It is drastically different!
To begin with, I attend the university which I haven’t in the last three years and people are different, where I live is different and how I live, most essentially, is different.
So why London? Well, it’s definitely not for the Queen! Just kidding…and it’s no colonial hangover either…totally not. I could’ve tried to land in the US of A too…but I figured that I have to travel for almost 24 hours to get there…sitting in one place with not more than a foot to move around…compared to that nine hours sounded feasible and doable! Anyway, jokes apart, the actual reason is that I’ve always wanted to experience the life outside my own country. And yes, why not Paris…or Prague or Timbuktu even…it’s the language. I can’t say I’m the mistress of languages really. Besides, I had been here before and figured that probably I would be able to find my way around here much more than a ‘foreign’ language speaking country. So, here I am!
There are certain things that totally take me in…the runs by the canal on a sunny evening, the bliss when you bask in the sun in your university park cum courtyard, (it’s quite idyllic actually!), the totally haute fashion…and I’m being vain but honest…am always seeing what people are wearing…when I’m in the tube, the bus, walking…it’s eclectic and interesting to say the least. Vanity, indeed, but I’m hoping my friends who read this will not be that judgmental after all! Ok, now the not-so-good parts, and I assure there are a plenty. I have to literally do everything by myself (and people who know me will also know that’s a task!)…washing, mopping, cleaning…even making tea!!! If that doesn’t sound too painful to you, be sure to explore outside your cocoon. And yes, as far as London’s concerned, its hopelessly expensive…so I am looking out for some work and hoping that I do find something!
So, other than the fact that you will miss your ol’ friends for life, your family, pets etc, I strongly recommend my friends to step out…go out there and explore the world…learn and see for yourself coz your experience will always remain with you for a lifetime and it’s not something you’d want to miss out on. I wouldn’t…
The nitty gritties will follow soon…