Wanderlust

I want to travel to Phulera...and Bastar and places where rustic life is at its crudest best. I had this enlightening realisation that what my country truly is, isn't Mumbai or Delhi or Calcutta...Bangalore etc...the cosmopolitan hubs to show off the face of modern India.
What my country is made of still exists in the agricultural lands situated sombrely in the nooks and corners of this vast sub-continent.
I wonder what it would be like to traverse miles of fields by feet, seeking shelter under a banyan tree, seeing the dust cover my feet, while I still continue to walk...foregoing the superfast trains and fancy cars and fly overs! To experience the true hue of the land of Kamasutra. After all, history has its roots not in what I see and where I live now, but where I've never been and what I've not seen.
I want to explore territories that enrich me...maybe shed some light on the lives of the common people. It isn't enough just to know who wears a Versace gown the best or what is the latest colour and silhoutte that hits the runway in London. To recognize the very essence of existence, which though far from being moneyed and image conscious, is totally honest. That, in some way, I garner would be overwhelming and a humbling experience.
I lust that. I want to explore and experience that. For wanderlust has struck me again!

Choices

You know the most difficult thing to achieve, I've realised, is to make choices and that too the right ones.
It's almost a battle striving to achieve this equilibrim...a state of well-being where you know you're not hurting others and you're happy too. But to my dismay, I have conceived that there is no such state of being. Because with every step, you make a choice. And in the process you hurt some people and delight others. And the worst part is if anyone has to make the choice, it's YOU and only you!
Sometimes I feel, people spend a substantial amount of time making these choices. But what's the criteria? My happiness? My parents...my partner...my friends...Whose happiness are you pursuing?
The simple straight-forward answer would probably be of course, 'me' and noone else. But my dear readers, life's never been so uncomplicated in the first place. If it's only me, then aren't you being obnoxiously selfish and self-centred? So, then who? Parents? Yes, they are very important but so is your partner and your friends, etc etc etc.
That brings me back the perplexing question once again. How do you make a choice?
Prioritise would probably be it. But that, again isn't that discreet. On what basis do you prioritise...what you want, parents want, peers want...
I feel trapped in this whirlpool of choices...Is there really a way out? Am I making the right choices, after all?

Mindlessness...

mI'd seen trailors, chat shows and the promotions even in London! I've realised as long as you are the czar of Bollywood (read: SRK), you can get away with just about anything. This movie made it to the UK Top 10 releases recently and Leicester Square had thousands of people thronging to get a glimpse of him!
I wonder if the crowd'd be just as crazy if a George Clooney or a Brad Pitt had to walk the red carpet for a premiere. Or maybe, it's just us! Indians trying desperately to cling on to something or the other that they can remotely be proud of!
Anyway, my curiosity had to be curbed. I had to figure out for myself what the hullabaloo was all about behind Om Shanti Om. So I wasted a precious Saturday evening (indeed weekends are important for me!) on this mindlessness...yes that's the only apt word in my vocabulary that can closely express my experience.
The innocuous question is: what was it all about? A spoof on Bollywood flicks, an ultra glamourisation of the'retro look' (which I firmly do agree is 'in'...for a change something I agree with in the movie), conspicuous references to pooh old classics! It had melodrama to the hilt, resurrections, ghosts etc etc etc...everything that constitutes the making of a commercial movie.
But is mainstream cinema mindless? Where was the movie headed? What was the focus (other than a parade of stars of course)? What was the message? Or was it merely about spending hundreds and thousands of rupees coz someone managed to arrange that kind of finance in a country where a considerable population is below poverty line for some 'time pass' as they say!
So you have a famous name with the banner, a gorgeous new face, some more famous people (because of networking and connections!) and you make what is called a masala movie.
And what flabbergasts me the most is the fact that people (including some who can claim being 'intelligent') thoroughly enjoying themselves. The simple quest: How?
I shudder to think that my cohort actually liked the movie. So am I the cynic here? Or is it that the others no longer care about the difference between sagacity and stupidity? The debate continues...

Boredom!

To your knowledge, you pushed yourself to the limit...in terms of work...the whole struggle of living, managing relationships, maintaining equilibrium in life in general...So the much deserved break was something you waited for time infinitum. I did.
I am on a month-long break. Honestly, I'm not used to this state of being. If there came a day when someone asks me just to do nothing, I'd bluntly refuse, at whatever cost! This is something I've realised...I cannot 'not do anything'! That's the bitter (or whatever you call it) truth. I keep telling my friends...take a break. I take back my words. Coz I can't do it myself. Yes I can do new things, explore absolute unknown territores, even raise cattle for that matter, but I cannot laze around.
Boredom strikes me like some destructive tsunami. It engulfs me to an extent where I feel claustrophobic and I search for avenues to escape...write, drive, shop, eat...just about engage in anything that under 'normal' circumstances would not make much sense...coz I shop what I don't need to, eat when I ain't hungry, drive relentlessly when global warming is looming over our heads.
The question is why?? Is it a trait in me? Am I not normal coz this is not how normal people are supposed to be? Or is it just something that happens to 'some' people?
This incessant urge, longing to do something...just about anything...consumes me. Is it because life is too short for digging into all the multifarious things that this world has to offer? Sometimes, I just wonder.

Homecoming!

I'd placidly waited for this time...90 days is a long time...especially when you resided in a land that's alien to you. Finally, on December 5, I flew out of London to land in good ol' Mumbai. It's always a pleasure to be home! But honestly, Mumbai is no longer home for me...I don't know when/whether it will ever be...
Friends I shall always cherish and they are an integral part of who I am but I'm no longer sure whether Mumbai 'meri jaan' still tingles me.
I loved the sun and the familiarity and the warmth of being with people who I know actually missed me, but the city itself has not changed an iota and I can't say the same about Mumbai what Vir Sanghvi had said about Kolkata...'you can take me out of Calcutta but not Calcutta out of me'.
For me, Kolkata is home and London is where I live now.
Mumbai is where my friends live...the excitement, the razzmatazz, the buildup...it's a different racket altogether. True though, if I were to return to India, Mumbai it will always be!
Sometimes, I honestly cannot comprehend the nuances and intricacies of life. A year back, who would've ever imagined that I'd leave it all behind to start from scratch...to draw upon life somethings that I'd never thought I would...As I always believe, life goes on and so does time.
What remains are memories and a few people that leave some indelible impressions on you...So is LIFE!